Living In The Shadow Of Your Heart; Pain, All Cos Of You.. Forgiveness!

It rains when the world silently suffers with an aching heart; I feel an emotion of deeply centered awe of mystery and gloom.

I wish I'm clueless about your blog. As days goes by and met happy-go-lucky guy, I hope I'm feeling a lot better than before. Although he bring back my smile but actually, I'm in pain deep inside!! Pain is just a feeling, it's when you're a little kid and scrap your knee or when you're falling off from a bike for the first time. Pain is when you and your friend gets in a fight or when your parents spanks you when you get into troubles. But the Biggest pain of them all is when you lose someone you love the most!!

Silent thoughts of you..
but I hate thinking of you.
Everything becomes hard to understand,
it makes me feel so lost,
like sinking into quicksand.

I know if my heart was open to all,
I would soon fade away.
Ashamed of my cake-mix feelings,
that I feel deep each day.

Yet I feel so keenly your presence,
and at the back of my mind,
I try to please you.
Though I know I'm out batting half blind.

Tears roll down my chin,
because I want this to be real.
Yet I'm scared they're just a whisper.
Oh, how I wish I couldn't feel!

I'm so afraid to loose my heart,
to have it broken just like before.
A wretched bitter pain,
for ever thinking there was more.

And how embarrassed I would be,
if you found out the truth,
that you hardly know me,
but I pretend to know you.
So break these dreams now,
shatter them on the floor,
and silence them forever.

Because if you tell me they are all false,
perhaps they will go away.
And I'll be able to close my eyes peacefully once again..

I've been learning to live without you now. But I miss you sometimes. I don't hate you, I don't blame you. Because I think it's about forgiveness. Forgiveness!