Past few days received a call from here when I was at work. First thing in my mind is like.. 'Fuck, what happen to her again?!' I answered her call and I just heard her crying. My heart sank!
Lots of thoughts going through my mind..
If only.. my heart is big and open enough,
If only.. I'm hardworking and rich enough,
If only.. I'm good enough, (or am I too good for you)?
If only.. I wait longer for you,
If only.. I've the courage to face you personally..
HA! What a joke!! In my life and in this world, I don't believe in 'Forever' and 'If only'. I don't care what others gonna say and think about me, I'll always follow the nature and I'll find my answer.
I'm silly, yes I admit!
Stupid and dumb, yes I admit too!
Too kind and softhearted, yes, that's me!
I can never stop giving her my helping hands just because I'm the only one that could understand her and know what she needs. I could understand what she's going through, acting strong whereby she's not strong at all and needs someone standing strong beside her, (just because we went through real hardship together!) Yeah, I know babylove will pass by my space and I'm not afraid of her reading this, because I don't hide and I don't need to.
Baby is coming out to this world soon, I really don't know why I'm so eager to see the baby and in fact, I would like to love & dotes on the baby. But I know, it's not mine. But who cares!~ I don't know if I'll attend your wedding ceremony as I can't give you any promise and I'm afraid I'll take another pathway. I'm in a mess, very messy status! *TMD!
Another side, I've to be careful with my babylove's feelings and emotional. I know partly is my fault but I'm sorry for giving you a cold shoulder.
Sigh. Somehow or rather, I might give up everything and back to my mom's and bro's side. I miss my house, my family.. My dream and wish list is to built a house. Well.. I could do anything for anyone I love!
Good nights!
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